I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
