someone threw a dead crab at me
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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