the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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