At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's paint friendship bongs
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
