atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
