but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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