I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
