Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
