Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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