i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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