You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
