woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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