Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
