I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
