everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
