I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
