i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
