It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
