and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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