..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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