Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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