I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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