I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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