I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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