i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
