She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
