Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
