I'm drive I can fine osifer
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
