do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
