goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
