32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I deserve this hangover.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
