Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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