Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
