I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
