I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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