its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
