I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
