Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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