And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
