Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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