I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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