i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she looked like the before picture.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
