i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
