I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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