did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
