she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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