someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
