Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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