I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
