Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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